Social Skills

For some reason, there’s a distinct stigma associated with practicing social skills. It’s perfectly “normal” to spend two hours working on your jumpshot, but weird to practice starting a conversation with people.

I’ve thought to myself a hundred times that I need to practice my handshake (I always look directly at the hands shaking, rather than at the person I’m meeting).

The example of the handshake is a good one, since it reveals that many social skills are simply mechanical skills in disguise.

A handshake is a physical act, one that can be practiced just as readily as a jump shot. Initiating a conversation is no more than placing yourself appropriately and saying a few (memorizable) words. You can practice walking confidently in front of a mirror in your bedroom, then unleash it on the stage.

Improving a social skill requires the same work as any other skill; repetition, feedback, evaluation, and modification (repeat). Yet it’s something were not supposed to do? Why? I think there’s a common opinion that social skills are supposed to develop naturally (we repeat them and certainly receive feedback from an early age). Would you train to be a basketball player by playing only when the schoolyard kids decided to throw together a game of pick-up? Hell no!

Personal Style: A Starting Point

I’d like to encourage you to begin with a look at how you dress. Again, it seems like we’re just supposed to figure it out using our morning dress routine (often hindered by a lack of sleep, a rush to get out the door, or missing contact lenses).

Take a few minutes to work on these mechanical skills that are part of the social skill of STYLE!

1. Associations

Take ten varied pieces of clothing from your closet (or floor). For each piece, take a look at it, then think of three words that describe it. You may not use any word that describes a concrete feature of the garment (such as blue, cotton, long, bedazzled). Think of the impression it creates, the story it might tell, or the characteristics someone who wears the garment might have.

2. Tucking In

Style doesn’t end when you pick your clothes; you actually have to put them on, and it’s not a trivial process! Practice tucking in a dress shirt (seriously!). I suggest doing this once with jeans and once with a pair of more formal pants/slacks/trousers/whatever. Think about the image of someone wearing a dress shirt and jeans, and someone wearing a dress shirt and dress pants. Are they the same? Which one is more likely to have wrinkles in the shirt? Which one is likely to tuck the shirt unevenly? Tightly? Untuck and retuck each a few times until you look like the character you’re imagining.

3. Color Wheel

We often develop psychological attachments to colors, and end up wearing them over and over. To break such a rut, grab a neutral pair of pants (standard blue jeans work well here), then as many shirts of a similar cut as you have (i.e. all t-shirts, all polo shirts, or all dress shirts). Then, try each on and think about whether you like the color combination. Switch to a different pair of pants (perhaps khakis) and run through the shirts again.

No Fear

Remember, you can do all of this from the safety (from ridicule) of your own room. However, you might find these skills useful when shopping too! Talking through the associations a particular garment has can really clarify whether you want to purchase it. It’s hard to believe sometimes, but there’s nothing wrong with practicing this stuff!

Homework:

Please don’t read this post, nod politely, then not do the exercises above! It’ll take you thirty minutes, tops. If you’re Batman and have to go save the world now, make a note to do it tomorrow morning. Regardless, I’d love to hear how it goes!

Bonus:

This post from Ramit Sethi is a fantastic summary of why people fail at managing money “by the books”. I strongly recommend you read it and consider your own psychology on money.