fashion

In discussing fashion and style with friends, and reading a firehose of material online, I come across the word ‘appropriate’ very often.

I don’t like the word ‘appropriate.’ It has many meanings, which are often confused and conflated. Further, some of the connotations of the word ‘appropriate’ are rather destructive. I’d like to deconstruct the word today and clarify its meanings and their implications.

This is the appropriate dictionary.

Appropriate (adj.)

1. Respectful, non-offensive. It is appropriate to wear a black suit to a funeral.

In my opinion, this meaning of appropriate should always be respected. I don’t endorse wearing clothes that upset people, or that show disrespect. This can take several forms.

• Wearing clothes which depict graphic images or offensive words (this can be relaxed if you’re certain the crowd will be of a certain age).
• Not following a reasonable clothing request. If a bride-to-be asks everyone to not wear red to her wedding, it’s inappropriate to disregard this and disrespect her.
• Wearing clothing that draws attention away from someone who deserves it. Funerals and weddings are not the time to make an outlandish fashion statement; the day is not about you, and making it about you is disrespectful. It extends further; normally I’m very intrigued by Lady Gaga’s outlandish fashion; I was very disappointed when she wore this to her sister’s graduation. That is selfish disrespect, and it’s inappropriate.

I can get behind enforcing the word appropriate under that meaning.

2. Coherent, in concert. You would wear cowboy boots to the bar, how appropriate.

This meaning, too, is typically a positive one, and a useful one. It makes sense to talk about how a particular piece of clothing fits in conceptually or visually with the rest of an outfit. One can say, for example, how a skinny tie is more appropriate than a standard tie when wearing a button-down shirt and jeans, since a skinny tie matches the casual nature of the jeans. It also makes sense to talk about how a particular piece of clothing fits with a personality. Personal style comes from personality plus clothing. One can say, for example, how cowboy boots (with spurs!) are inappropriate for the buddy who hates country music (and cattle!).

This last bit can get a bit dangerous, as evidenced in the example sentence from the definition. One can say “how appropriate” in a derisive manner; implying that the personal style shown is inferior or undesirable. Obviously, I don’t think the word should be used for this purpose.

3. Acceptable (referencing fashion/style). That dress is so 2008, totally inappropriate.

Let me just get out the fact that I hear a snobby girl saying that sentence in my head, but using “inappropro” because abbreviations like that are a pet peeve of mine. Tangent over.

This is the most destructive use of the word; it can be used without real justification to imply inferiority, lack of knowledge, or lack of value. It’s often used in place of a concrete reason that a piece works or doesn’t work. Further, it’s often used as a throwaway word. It goes almost unnoticed, providing no additional content, but implying a depth of knowledge and authority that is undeserved. Here are two examples, and ways to make them fair, constructive statements.

Bad: “That green shirt is totally inappropriate.” (note how this provides neither solution no understanding)
Good: “The green in that shirt really clashes with your red jacket, since they’re complementary colors. Why don’t you try that white one on?”

Bad: “The appropriate choice is a soft gray sweater.” (note how this evokes a position of authority, provides no justification, and implies that other choices are wrong)
Good: “A soft gray sweater works well here; it matches the calm winter palette of colors, and the fabric exudes that same friendliness.”

Thesaurus:
Appropriate isn’t the only troublesome word I encounter in fashion; what are some of your least favorite words in fashion writing?

Bonus:
It’s summer, which means a lot of people are going to be moving on to new places soon; college, a first job, a tenth job? I like this song by Rush to remind me to appreciate the now before I start the next.

While salespeople can often be extremely helpful, sometimes we don’t want to deal with them/be talked to/hear how amazing we look. Here are three tricks for dealing with salespeople when you go shopping for clothes/accessories.

1. Always be carrying an item.

   One goal of a retail store is to make sure everyone who walks in the door leaves with a purchase. As such, salespeople will pay more attention to those who are empty-handed. Even if you don’t intend to buy anything, picking up a shirt when you walk in can be an effective deflection. Be sure to put it back nicely before you go.

2. “Own” every store credit card.

   Nearly every retail chain has a store credit card that they want YOU to have. Credit cards make it easier for customers to spend money. As such, you will be pressured to “join the club!” How to diffuse this? Simple; if it comes up, just say you have one. No pitch, no repetition. There’s typically a lot less pressure to use the card at the register, and again, simply mentioning you have one, but won’t be using it, effectively ends the conversation.

3. Ask a specific question.

   Instead of waiting to be approached and asked a nonsense question like “what’d you come in for today?” (to shop, idiot), walk up to an employee and ask to find something specific (even if you know where it is, or if there’s a neon sign saying where it is). When escorted to the desired location, simply look excitedly at the item, then back at the salesperson and give a cheery “thanks!” You know what you want, and their time will be better spent on other people (who didn’t know they came in the store to shop).

What do you do?
How do you defend yourself from the sales onslaught? Salespeople; what let’s you know that a person doesn’t need to be talked to?

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Bonus

It’s a little bit mean, but nothing stops a telemarketing pitch faster than “he’s dead”. Often prevents future calls.

Now, I can’t go assigning homework without completing it myself. This morning’s video is a personal demonstration of the “association” exercise.

Follow me through the department store as I try on some clothes and talk about the characteristics, stories, and qualities that make them what they are.

Enjoy!

Class Check!

Have you done the exercises from yesterday? Hmm? Hmm? If so, post about it!

Bonus:

Here’s a great example of a shirt with strong brand image.

For some reason, there’s a distinct stigma associated with practicing social skills. It’s perfectly “normal” to spend two hours working on your jumpshot, but weird to practice starting a conversation with people.

I’ve thought to myself a hundred times that I need to practice my handshake (I always look directly at the hands shaking, rather than at the person I’m meeting).

The example of the handshake is a good one, since it reveals that many social skills are simply mechanical skills in disguise.

A handshake is a physical act, one that can be practiced just as readily as a jump shot. Initiating a conversation is no more than placing yourself appropriately and saying a few (memorizable) words. You can practice walking confidently in front of a mirror in your bedroom, then unleash it on the stage.

Improving a social skill requires the same work as any other skill; repetition, feedback, evaluation, and modification (repeat). Yet it’s something were not supposed to do? Why? I think there’s a common opinion that social skills are supposed to develop naturally (we repeat them and certainly receive feedback from an early age). Would you train to be a basketball player by playing only when the schoolyard kids decided to throw together a game of pick-up? Hell no!

Personal Style: A Starting Point

I’d like to encourage you to begin with a look at how you dress. Again, it seems like we’re just supposed to figure it out using our morning dress routine (often hindered by a lack of sleep, a rush to get out the door, or missing contact lenses).

Take a few minutes to work on these mechanical skills that are part of the social skill of STYLE!

1. Associations

Take ten varied pieces of clothing from your closet (or floor). For each piece, take a look at it, then think of three words that describe it. You may not use any word that describes a concrete feature of the garment (such as blue, cotton, long, bedazzled). Think of the impression it creates, the story it might tell, or the characteristics someone who wears the garment might have.

2. Tucking In

Style doesn’t end when you pick your clothes; you actually have to put them on, and it’s not a trivial process! Practice tucking in a dress shirt (seriously!). I suggest doing this once with jeans and once with a pair of more formal pants/slacks/trousers/whatever. Think about the image of someone wearing a dress shirt and jeans, and someone wearing a dress shirt and dress pants. Are they the same? Which one is more likely to have wrinkles in the shirt? Which one is likely to tuck the shirt unevenly? Tightly? Untuck and retuck each a few times until you look like the character you’re imagining.

3. Color Wheel

We often develop psychological attachments to colors, and end up wearing them over and over. To break such a rut, grab a neutral pair of pants (standard blue jeans work well here), then as many shirts of a similar cut as you have (i.e. all t-shirts, all polo shirts, or all dress shirts). Then, try each on and think about whether you like the color combination. Switch to a different pair of pants (perhaps khakis) and run through the shirts again.

No Fear

Remember, you can do all of this from the safety (from ridicule) of your own room. However, you might find these skills useful when shopping too! Talking through the associations a particular garment has can really clarify whether you want to purchase it. It’s hard to believe sometimes, but there’s nothing wrong with practicing this stuff!

Homework:

Please don’t read this post, nod politely, then not do the exercises above! It’ll take you thirty minutes, tops. If you’re Batman and have to go save the world now, make a note to do it tomorrow morning. Regardless, I’d love to hear how it goes!

Bonus:

This post from Ramit Sethi is a fantastic summary of why people fail at managing money “by the books”. I strongly recommend you read it and consider your own psychology on money.

Shoelaces are an interesting piece of fashion. Most of the time we don’t even think about them. I imagine many of you don’t even think about them when buying shoes! They just come with the package.

Because of this, a little creativity with shoelaces can go a long way. Today I’m going to shoe you how to tie a shoe with two laces in an alternating pattern. Why do this? Maybe to be awesome:

That’s what I’m talking about!

Let’s get down to it. You won’t need much in the way of supplies; just a pair of laced shoes and an extra pair of shoelaces (hopefully of a different color).

Supplies

Step 1: The Initial Lacing

To achieve the alternating effect, use over-under lacing for the first set of laces. We’ll use the same pattern for the second set, but switch whether the crosses start on top of the shoe or below the gap of the shoe.

Step 2: Start the Second Lacing

Start the second lace the same as the first. In the example we’ll go through, the first cross of the purple lace goes under the shoe, so we’ll bring the pink lace over top.

Always make sure to pull the lace taut and check that the sides are of equal length before lacing up.

Step 3: Threading

As we continue the pattern up the shoe, we’ll be threading two laces through the same hole. It’s important to do this in the correct way, otherwise the laces will tangle, disrupting the alternation.

The second lace (pink here) should always be on the “outside” of the hole, so it will pass over the purple lace on an overcross, and under the purple lace on an undercross. The exception to this is at the very top, since the pink lace needs an additional pass to end up on the outside of the shoe (allowing us to tie a knot).

Under to Over

Over to top

Step 4: Finishing (a Bow on Top!)

All that remains is to then “tie your shoes,” applying a knot to each set of laces. I tried two options here. You can tie both bows, then tie the two together for a megaknot:

Alternatively, you can tie each bow separately continuing the alternating pattern:

And that’s it! You are now the proud wearer of some radical sneakers!

Notes:

- Using two sets of laces typically results in a tighter tie; be a little loose with your lacing until you can feel how tight the end result will be.

- This is easiest to do with laces of equal length, however, if you’re using two different sizes I recommend using the longer set as the second set, since it will have to travel slightly further, and have an extra pass at the top.

Show me your shoes!

Do you have an unusual way to tie your shoes? Show me/describe it in the comments! I’m always looking out for something new!

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Bonus: Shoelace Belt Mod

Shoelaces are extremely versatile; try running one through a belt to get a contrast color. This is great for casual, summer outfits. Using a double-pronged buckle like the one here allows you to “cross-stitch!”

Make sure to leave a hole for the buckle!